Put on the Danged Oxygen Mask: How to Get Some Self-Care Even When it Seems Impossible

When you are running on fumes, I know it is a big ask to even consider self-care…but, trust me, it’s so insanely important.

When you are running on fumes, I know it is a big ask to even consider self-care…but, trust me, it’s so insanely important. Being overtired and energetically overdrawn sucks the joy right out of parenting and makes every day an uphill slog. Self-care isn’t magic. It’s not going to make your livewire any easier, but it will allow you the breathing space to make reasonable decisions and to possibly be a little kinder to yourself. Parenting a livewire is hard enough without us heaping tons of self-criticism and doubt onto our plate. Not enough bubble bath in the world I’m telling you what I wish I had learned. Back in the baby days, I would laugh at advice that said, “Moms, take time out for a nice bubble bath.” Please. Like that was going to fix anything. I felt like I’d need a month of bubble baths to even make a dent in how exhausted I was. So, I rejected the idea as stupid and completely unhelpful. What I failed to realize was that, while a bubble bath wasn’t a cure-all, it could have been a cure-a-little. I am here, over twenty years down the road, and I can definitively say that rejecting any amount of self-care was a very bad idea. 

Teeny tiny snippets of self-care... 1. Take some time every day to be on your own. Thirty minutes? An hour? Take a walk, just be in the bathroom…whatever it is, do it. 2. Practice self-compassion. Sounds dumb when you’re tired, but do it. Research has shown that it helps. 

Here are a couple of great resources on this: 

PODCAST: TILT Parenting Podcast Episode 3231: Self-compassion Researcher Dr. Kristin Neff on the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. 

BOOK: Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself 

ARTICLE: Self-Compassion for Parents - Can mindfulness and compassion help us parent? (Psychology Today) 

3. It’s okay to ask our kids to bend a little. If you’ve been getting up every time they wake or you’re doing a ton of gymnastics to get them to sleep (and they’re older than six months), it’s okay to ask them to learn some skills so that the load on you is a little lighter. You won’t survive always meeting a livewire where they want you to be. This is a system and you count, too. Make sure that whatever you are doing is sustainable…for YOU.             

Whatever you can do to get a teeny bit of a break is going to help…a lot. Trust me. Don’t do what I did and just soldier through it. This is a long road and you need to pack snacks.