Is your wily 3-year-old winning the bedtime battles? Here are some handy (and effective) workarounds.

Macall Gordon, M.A.
Oct 2
5 min read

Updated: Oct 28

It’s almost like clockwork. A child turns 2-½ or 3 and suddenly bedtime becomes an extravaganza of requests. You’re reading eight books and choreographing an interpretive dance to get your kiddo to finally settle down for sleep.

Or, your mile-a-minute thinker has a million ideas or their imagination is simply running away with them. It’s exhausting. Often, parents get stuck lying with their child or camping out in the room as the path of least resistance. It’s not a great option, but the alternative is way worse.

If your current bedtime routine drags on for a million years or you are stuck in the dark waiting for your active, energetic livewire to go the heck to sleep, you’re not alone. Below are some common bedtime battlegrounds and their livewire-tailored workarounds that really do work. The good news? Winning a few of these may actually get you a little extra evening grown-up time.

The Request-o-Rama

“Please, one more book.” “I need a snack.” “I need a different stuffed animal.” “I need a kiss from Mommy now.” This is precisely how the bedtime routine gets stretched out of all proportion: little by little.

Workaround:

Make a CHART: This is not for stickers or rewards. This is more like a contract for what will (and therefore won’t) happen. Put everything on there that you are okay with doing. If there needs to be a snack, put it at the top of the routine. If there are two books, there are only two books. If it’s not on the chart, it doesn’t happen and once that “last drink of water” gets crossed off, that’s it.

“There are monsters.”

The temptation with fears is to reassure them (which you should) by staying in the room with them (which you shouldn’t). Protecting kiddos from feeling scared means that they don’t develop the capacity to deal with that fear. Plus, you will be stuck in that room long-term. The new thinking on fear (of the dark/monsters) is that we help them feel more competent with it.

Workaround:

For children under 6 or 7: You can use magical fixes like “monster spray,” or a “Mosters Keep Out” sign. Some suggest that this just validates that monsters might actually be real. But young children already believe that their imagination can make things become real. Using their imagination for good can work for now.

For older children (or as you feel like you can): Use reality-based strategies. Have your child draw their “monster,” and make it look silly or give it a funny name. Remind them that Sesame Street muppets are technically “monsters” too and they’re friendly.

Investigate the dark in their room. Lie with them in the dark, using a flashlight, and have them point out anything scary. Investigate it with the light. Move anything making a scary shadow. Find out what makes that scary sound, etc.

“Don’t leave.”

So many parents have to make the tough choice between leaving the room (massive meltdowns and power struggles) or staying in the room. I can tell you that staying in the room is usually a long-term decision. It’s not an easy choice to make. That’s largely because parents have only been given the two options.

Workaround:

You have to gradually MOVE. Try the Chair Method (also called the Sleep Lady Method). Sit in a chair near your child’s bed while they fall asleep. Every few nights, move the chair a little farther away.

This way, your child gets the comfort of your presence, but you gradually build their ability to tolerate being in their own space. This way, within a couple of weeks, you are outside in the hallway.

Nonstop chatter, or hyper-energy at bedtime

Super verbal, mentally active livewires have a really difficult time mentally calming down. Plus, having a captive audience at bedtime is like an invitation for a gabfest. Sometimes, these alert kiddos use this time to mentally offload everything from the day. Helping them learn how to downshift their brain for bed is a skill that will have long-term benefits.

Solution:

“Put Thoughts Away for the Day” Box. Create rituals like a “Put the Thoughts Away” Box where you have them tell you thoughts or questions to write down for tomorrow (and then be sure to address them tomorrow).

Body-oriented calming. Add calming activities like stretching, mindfulness breathing, or bedtime yoga to get the body in the zone of downshifting.

Use recorded sleep visualization stories. These stories on Calm, Headspace, Audible, Mochi, etc. are stories for kids, but they are sleep visualizations that help children slow down and relax for sleep. For verbal kiddos, it gives them something to focus on while helping them slow down.

Lights off = Conversation’s done. If you are in the room, have a rule that once the lights go out, there’s no more conversation. You can use very simple words, but keep talking to a boring minimum. I like to say, “Don’t feed the word beast.”

Meltdowns

If there’s a full-on meltdown every night before bed, there can be a few reasons for that.

Answer:

Check for overtiredness. If naps are too short or bedtime is too late, your child might just be overbaked. Livewires don’t slow down, they power up when they’re tired and they show you by finally crashing. You may need to start naps and bedtime way before you think they’re actually ready.

Not enough transition time. Livewires need predictable, set-in-stone routines and enough time to really transition into bedtime.

A set-in-stone routine with lots of heads-up. They also H-A-T-E surprises, so if you’ve waited until bedtime to tell them that Dad has a meeting and won’t be there for bedtime. . . Meltdown. Or, no, they can’t have a banana because they’ve asked for one out of the blue. . . Meltdown. Make a chart. Remind them what’s in the chart. Don’t deviate from the chart.

Won’t lie down, kicking, complaining about leg pain

Believe it or not, sometimes really difficult bedtimes are more than just regular bedtime shenanigans. Difficulty settling down, an inability to lie down or get settled, taking an hour or more to fall asleep, a feeling of nervousness, restlessness, or fear can be symptoms of pediatric Restless Legs Syndrome. This is NOT twitchy legs.

The name speaks to the idea that movement relieves the significant discomfort that RLS causes. Researchers now think that “growing pains” are actually RLS. Read my entire article on low ferritin/pediatric Restless Legs Syndrome here.

Helping your sleep-avoidant child be ready for sleep faster

When bedtime is a whole production, there are strategies that can help. By matching the challenge with the right answer, you’ll help your child fall asleep more easily, and get some of your evening back.

Remember, planning and consistency are everything. With patience and the right tools, bedtime can shift from a nightly battle into a more manageable level of chaos.

About Macall Gordon

Macall Gordon, M.A., has a master's degree in applied psychology from Antioch University in Seattle with a research-based specialization in infant mental health, sleep advice, and parenting culture.