Sleep routine changes: Surviving night one (eek!)

Macall Gordon, M.A.
Oct 14
4 min read

Why it can be so hard for livewires and how to push through

The first night of any attempt at working on sleep skills, you know, is going to be rough. Most sleep books generally undersell how much struggle parents can be in for. “The first night could be 30-45 minutes of crying.” They are never talking about livewires who can go ballistic and stay there until you throw in the towel because you feel like you must just be torturing them, and there’s no point in continuing. The pushback is epic. Livewires react BIG and they react FAST and they do not like change in routine one little bit. They especially do not like change that they did not see coming. A big, surprising change layered on top of bedtime fatigue can be a recipe for an explosive evening.

It’s understandable that exhausted parents of nonsleeping livewires would wave the white flag after just one awful night. Without backup or someone to tell them they’re on the right track, how would you know?

With any change in routine, you have to make it to Night Two.

Night Two is where your efforts surviving Night One pay off. Night Two should be better and you have to make it there to find out.

Here’s why Night One is always such a dumpster fire. When you make changes, a livewire is going to clock it immediately and then strongly let you know they don’t like it. This is any change, not just big ones. With these perceptive little ones, there is no change so small that they won’t notice. You cannot “sneak one past” them.

They don’t understand the change, they don’t like it, and they don’t understand what you’re expecting them to do. When dealing with little livewires, we can’t warn them or explain to them. All we can do is go for it (e.g., not rock them to sleep), support them, and continue to repeat the process until they understand the new pattern. Until they get that there’s a new pattern, there’s going to be struggle.

Three info nuggets that will help you make it through

The “First Pancake Rule”

I like to tell parents to treat the first time as the “tester pancake.” That first pancake always turns out too light, too dark, or shaped funny. Nobody keeps it. But the next pancakes? Always better. Just get through the first night, even if it looks crazy.

Push through the pushback

This one is related to the First Pancake, but here’s another reason it’s important: if you work and work and work and then just rock them to sleep, you have just set the bar for how long you will work the next time you try. Why? Because your super-sharp livewire now knows that “rocking to sleep” is on the table as a possible outcome that they could hold out or work for. Do everything in your power not to put a “cookie” (rocking, feeding, etc.) at the end of a bunch of work. It ultimately leads to more crying and more stress in the long run.

The secret sauce: Consistency.

For a livewire, success isn’t about sneaking in changes, it’s about laying down the new pattern clearly and repeating it as consistently as humanly possible. Think of it like teaching them the steps to a new dance. If you changed the steps every other time or only showed them twice and stopped, how would they pick it up? No. You have to repeat the steps, repeat the steps, repeat the steps so they can learn them. You have to be clear and so consistent with livewires because they detect nuance and they detect differences. You can’t be random. You have to be on your game.

The first night is going to be nuts, I will guarantee that. But, I’ve seen it happen that some livewires learn that dance much faster than we’d expect. Get through that first night, then see if Night Two is better. Hopefully, if it is, it will give you some encouragement to keep going.

Need some help right now?

As a sleep expert with over 20 years of experience studying temperament and sleep, I know that intense, alert kids need a different approach. That’s why I don’t sell long, pricey packages. Instead, I offer one-time strategy sessions where we cut through the noise, figure out what’s really going on, and make a plan you can actually follow.

If you need more help later, you can always schedule a shorter follow-up call. Sometimes you just need someone to listen, troubleshoot, and point you in the right direction, and that’s exactly what I do.

Learn more here

About Macall Gordon

Macall Gordon, M.A., has a master's degree in applied psychology from Antioch University in Seattle with a research-based specialization in infant mental health, sleep advice, and parenting culture.